Pregnancy is, frankly, an insane thing to go through. Yes, it’s a magical, miraculous thing, but it’s also an intense physical and mental burden that changes you at your very foundation. There’s a reason that postnatal mental health issues are so common. Even if you’re not struggling with a concrete disorder, the post-pregnancy feeling can easily strip you of some of your natural sense of independence.

If you’re wondering, “How do I regain my confidence post childbirth?”, this article is for you. These aren’t magical overnight solutions, but this guide will offer some pathways to help rebuild your sense of self after giving so much of it away.

Reclaim your physical agency

The process of pregnancy can make the body feel unfamiliar, which is a surefire way to knock your confidence. Finding clothes to wear post-pregnancy can be tough, as can simply looking in the mirror after bathing. There are some good ways to approach reclaiming your physical agency after pregnancy, to make the transition feel more natural, such as:

• Picking clothes that fit from the start, rather than squeezing into old sets of skinny jeans. Spend good money on quality clothes that suit your current size; comfort makes you look better.
• Return to exercise, but at a healthy pace, rather than rushing into weight loss. Simple movements and rehab will help you to feel independent again.
• Investing in stretch mark removal can be useful if you’re self-conscious, helping you to recognise your body better.
• Get some post-pregnancy pads to keep things comfortable and clean after you’ve given birth.

Starting with the body is always smart, as often it inspires the mind to follow. And remember, the post-pregnancy belly isn’t the be-all and end-all; make sure to look at the full picture.

Regaining your sense of identity

Pregnancy isn’t just a stress on the body. It can also inspire a sense of “lost-self”, especially as career, social life and hobbies are put on hold for the sake of the baby. Of course, the baby will come first, but it’s vital to do stuff just for you at least once a day. Remembering who you were before the pregnancy is important to feeling secure. Some common practices include:

• Reading a few pages of a book
• Listening to an album or podcast (not parenting related)
• Painting your nails or applying makeup (for whatever reason)

Ideally, you’ll have a partner who can relieve you at points in the day so you have some time for yourself. Whatever your situation, start in small increments and appreciate that you’re growing into a new, more complex human being.

Interaction is everything

Make sure to spend time with people and really value that time. On one hand, it’s important to continually work on your relationship with the other parent. Make sure to clearly communicate your needs to your partner/co-parent, as silent resentment can break your confidence down.

On the other hand, it’s vital to really spend time with your friends when you can. Real, proper social connections will mean a lot more for your regaining of confidence than mindlessly doomscrolling through Instagram, especially if you follow parental influencers who present the “perfect life”. It’s much more important to have fun with your tribe, not only focusing on baby talk and “life updates”. This will help you remember who you were before.

With these principles in mind, you should be able to feel more capable of finding your feet after a pregnancy. Remember, this whole process will have changed your life, but it’s not the only thing that defines you. Take small steps and rediscover who you’ve always been.